thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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