she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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