It's like God shit irony all over that family
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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