I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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