the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
