Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
