She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk is not a location!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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