there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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