Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
