God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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