girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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