He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
