I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
