So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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