I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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