dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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