Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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