I will die if light touches me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
