why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
