Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
