Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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