how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
