1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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