hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she looked like the before picture.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
