Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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