If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
