saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just invented taco cereal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
