thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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