I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
