this beer tastes like vomit already
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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