Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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