Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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