This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
