please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
