I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
