i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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