Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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