a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
