My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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