I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
