I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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