Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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