Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
