it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
BRING THE BAGELS
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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