I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS