Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water