My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.