Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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