Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just pynch a tree in the face

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  (336): I just pynch a tree in the face http://tfl.nu/eknu
  Replies (6) Good night (1283) Bad night (632)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  This bar receipt from last night makes no sense

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I wish that would've worked

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  (870): This bar receipt from last night makes no sense (573): You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total (870): I wish that would've worked http://tfl.nu/u8a6
  Replies (24) Good night (3414) Bad night (763)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?

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  (850): Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up? http://tfl.nu/shrn
  Replies (71) Good night (668) Bad night (3817)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack

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  (208): you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack http://tfl.nu/46lg
  Replies (28) Good night (964) Bad night (4418)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.

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  (810): we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect. http://tfl.nu/l0ek
  Replies (58) Good night (9299) Bad night (765)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea

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  (630): just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea http://tfl.nu/jqzl
  Replies (10) Good night (794) Bad night (3931)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.

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  (513): All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit. http://tfl.nu/0ntj
  Replies (9) Good night (1266) Bad night (1879)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.

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  (301): I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands. http://tfl.nu/945a
  Replies (8) Good night (1657) Bad night (824)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.

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  (315): He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like. http://tfl.nu/nq61
  Replies (6) Good night (1024) Bad night (3115)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.

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  (414): in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself. http://tfl.nu/j69f
  Replies (5) Good night (4009) Bad night (1697)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras

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  (304): you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras http://tfl.nu/x6pe
  Replies (3) Good night (1902) Bad night (524)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...

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  (206): I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him... http://tfl.nu/o74a
  Replies (6) Good night (895) Bad night (515)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?

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  (812): Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout? http://tfl.nu/r4f3
  Replies (9) Good night (433) Bad night (767)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.

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  (720): This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you. http://tfl.nu/ixe4
  Replies (1) Good night (1222) Bad night (361)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.

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  (815): I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom. http://tfl.nu/kcqn
  Replies (1) Good night (284) Bad night (610)

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