i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize