I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now