The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
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dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me