he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
