Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
