you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
