Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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