cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
