I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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