In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
