You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
