Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Where is the hickey?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
