Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
not ubering you a puppy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
