Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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