I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
