I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
