fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
