I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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