Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
