I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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