I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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