you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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