I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
