Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
