Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
